Answers

So, I’ll start out by saying that this is not going to be an easy post to read, or to write. I’m asking about the reasons why my dog is gone, so that maybe I can get some closure. This isn’t going to help him, and I don’t blame anyone for not being able to engage with this request. My dog, Jackie (a chihuahua mix), was already in his autumn years, struggling with a persistent cough, when one of my family members sat on him, and suddenly something happened. From one moment to the next, he lost all quality of life. He was shaking and his whole body was tense. His belly especially was very hard, and to me it felt a little distended. We got him to an emergency vet as soon as possible, but there are just so few of those that it took almost a full day to find one. So they examined him. They x-rayed him. Sent him home with some pain meds and instructions to gather a stool sample. But he couldn’t eat, would only half heartedly sip at a little water or milk. Couldn’t poop, he just stumbled a little around the yard then looked frozen with pain every time he tried. At times, he could barely walk at all. We brought him back to the emergency vet, because he was clearly still in so much pain and we couldn’t manage to give him meds, because he wouldn’t eat. They agreed to take him overnight, get him hydrated and medicated. But then they just gave him back to us, with no answers. After three more days with no improvement, with him peeing almost constantly, because he was in too much pain to get up, we decided there was nothing more we could do, and we were just prolonging his suffering. He was still rigid and shaking as I held him in my lap on the way to the vet for the last time. In the early hours of that morning, he had left his little bed and crawled up toward mine, looking like he wanted to be picked up. I hesitated, because I was sure it would only cause him more pain, but I gave in and brought him up in bed with me. I knew he was asking for help, and it kills me that I couldn’t help him, that these are now my most vivid memories of him. But I just can’t accept that the vet couldn’t find anything wrong with him. Or at least find some way for us to give him palliative care so he wouldn’t have had to suffer so much those last few days. I realize I haven’t really given much to work with here. He was sat on, he went rigid with pain, there was nothing on the x-ray. That’s all we know. But if anyone has any insight, I cannot tell you how grateful I would be just to know what happened to him. He was so important to me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love again properly until I do. Thank you in advance.

Hello and I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.  You won't need me to say this, but the sudden death of a loved one is difficult, unfair, stressful and intense.  Things don't feel okay - why would they? - and particularly in the acute stages, experts say that the death of a loved pet is no less traumatic than that of any other loved family member.  I would urge you to take the time in your personal life to awknowledge this greif. There are pet greivance services that can help, including the Ralph Site (Ralph was a cat, but they cater towards both).   More to follow.

I am also surprised that your vet couldn't find anything abnormal in this situation, where a pet was rigid with pain.  I wonder if, instead of focusing on what they couldn't find (a diagnosis - this is often understandable and often a huge focus), it would be useful to focus on what clinical signs / x-ray findings etc they did make.  This may necessitate another conversation with your vet (and usually does; nobody can be expected to know the nitty gritty of the pathogy when their animal is poorly).  For example, they might have found an increased heart rate, or an indication of capillary refill and pulse quality (sometimes, if internal bleeding was present, this would get better before getting worse, so masking internal bleeds.  Or not.)  They might have scanned for fluid in the abdomen.  They may have recorded their findings as to the pain (where did they think the pain was situated?  How did it manifest?) and the response, if any, to pain meds.  They might have tested his hindlimb reflexes, nervous system etc. Checked the SG (concentration) of the urine  Usually, the examination or early tests will suggest or rule out a body system.  They may have identified that the bladder appeared grossly intact.  Again, if they couldn't find a cause, try 'what sets of circumstances can you think of that might explain this picture?'  'Do you agree with us that he was suffering?' and 'Can we do anything now, post humously, that will help us to find out more?'  I am thinking about post-mortems, sending the history to an internal medic or emergency expert etc.  I appreciate that this may be painful, but it is worth considering while memories are fresh and may also help to bring closure.  I hope that something there proves useful and would be interested to find out more should you find it out - but only if you feel like telling us, because for now, your greif comes first.  It may not feel as if things will never be okay again and in many cases, greif never completely goes away.  However, you appear to be doing a strong thing - facing it.  Asking questions.  Trying to understand.  Greif hits us all in different ways at different times, but each greif is unique.  However, trying to understand is, in itself, one of the early stages of moving forward.

The Ralph Site is a service charity and can be found at www.theralphsite.com.     Furthermore, in our own blog, searching for 'put to sleep' / 'euthanasia' / 'grief' / 'goodbye' and so on should send you to a number of potentially helpful articles about losing a pet.  Wishing you all the best going forward; if you have more questions, always ask.

Finlly, please remember that it is normal to greive for Jackie as for any other loved one and we hope that in time, be that short or long (it's a complicated process and the length of greiving is not necessary connected to the depth of love you felt)  you find a way to move on.

'Moving on,' from my own experience, is not the same as stopping caring or forgetting;  however, people tend to move on in their own way and time.  We wish you well.