Guilt after hamster death

Hi everyone, I know this forum is mostly for issues for hamsters who are still alive, but I have been really struggling with feeling guilty over my little guy Bruno passing away, and I'm turning to this forum to hopefully feel a bit of solace. For context, he was about 2 years, 1 month when he passed. From pictures, in early August, he appeared happy and healthy i.e. well groomed, no changes in fur, eyes normal and ears not flat to the head. In mid August, his ears were flatter and around this time we took him to the vets for suspected wet tail, which turned out to be a UTI, and he had a round of antibiotics and anti inflammatory medicine for a week. Unfortunately this did not make the infection go away, and we noticed that one eye was appearing larger so took him back to the vets about a week later where we were told he may have a tumour but this would need an x-ray to confirm this and in the meantime we were advised to keep going with the same medicines for another week. I did say in this appointment that I believed it may be due to dental issues, but the vet did not check them. She did say she could refer us to a more specialised vet but something got confused and we did not get the referral after this appointment. After doing the medicine for an additional week, we noticed that Bruno had a sort of enflamed neck i.e. it looked bigger and was soft to the touch but did not seem to cause him discomfort. He also had some dark crusts on his neck, which we thought might be food which had become stuck to his fur. We used saline to clean him as well as possible, and apart from being slightly crusty on his genitals and neck, he seemed otherwise okay. At some point quite suddenly however, he seemed to decline quite rapidly and I went back to the vets to see if we could still be referred to the other vets, but unfortunately Bruno passed away before we were able to see them. Apologies for the long story, but I've just been feeling extremely guilty as I think that he may have died from an untreated abscess due to his teeth being too long, and I feel horrible knowing that I didn't help him more. I also am really struggling with thinking that maybe if I had made sure to get the referral, and he had had his teeth trimmed and been checked in more depth, then he wouldn't have died so soon. If anyone could offer any advice -especially a vet - or provide their own experiences, I think it would really help me at this time but please treat me with kindness as it is still raw. Thank you.

Hi, So sorry for your loss. I don't know much about Hamsters but love all animals the same. Don't blame yourself for Bruno's unfortunate death. I think you did more then most people would have done for a small pet like a hamster. I hope you believe as I do there is a place in Heaven for ALL animals and Bruno is there now.  

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that Bruno has passed.  You don't mention a breed but I trust that he was a Syrian, Dwarf or Teddy-bear hamster; other breeds eg Russian Dwarf hamsters are not so long-lived.  While Bruno wasn't ancient and while it doesn't negate the pain caused by your loss, 2 years may be longer than average and is certainly not young.  Frustratingly, it is against a hamster's instinct to look sick.  If you were a predator, the hamster that looks sick would be easy to identify as weak and hence a good one to try to catch / hunt.  So in the wild where most of hamster evolution took place, looking healthy during times of sickness was a survival advantage and this is well engrained into the species.   In modern UK hamster-homes, where there are no predators, this is not a survival advantage; it makes it difficult for hamster owners to spot the subtle signs that their hamster is ill.  Disease is often quite advanced when the hamsters finally reveal It.  There are a few tricks that can help, such as weighing your pet every day which can reveal sudden weight-changes before they become visible, but these have to be taught to you before you know them - and only help in certain cases. It is difficult to tell from your own account which disease was the underlying problem and which were secondaries; I'm unclear whether anyone actually found a dental abscess or whether you are simply running possibilities through in your head.  If you are, please rest assured that self blame and thereby torturing ourselves with possibilities can be a normal part of the grieving process.  It might never have happened.  While tooth-checking can be achieved by scruffing hamsters, we now know that hamsters find this process stressful; I would discourage owners from look inside their hamsters mouths at home.  Where present, deeper dental problems are something vets should pick up. Supposing that Bruno did develop an abscess from teeth growing into soft tissues after two years of quality life, your vet ought to have told you.  Furthermore, overgrown teeth at that age would tend to be a secondary symptom of some other problem, perhaps secondary to not eating ( teeth not wearing one another down - this can happen very, very fast). Mites - which frequently live on normal hamsters in small numbers - can also over-proliferate when illness is present; I wonder whether this may have caused some of the skin signs you saw.  Other causes could include cancer or hormonal change. A wet-tail is caused by urinary infection but sometimes by diarrhoea, secondary to other underlying problems. In short, you are describing a hamster with multiple symptoms that I am unable to untangle; it is hard to know what the main underlying problem was.  If it helps, a massive proportion of pet-owners blame themselves; it can be mentally draining.  Yet all pets do pass away, most of them around the average age.   In my ideal world all vets would be able to point you to a local small furries / exotics specialist, because it can be stressful for everyone taking tiny animals into a vets alongside natural predators.  They also benefit from a fast turnover of appointments and very specialist species-specific knowledge.  Sadly, these are thin on the ground and it is a barrier; most hamsters never actually receive any veterinary care. However, you did seek care for Bruno and I'm sorry to hear that that he passed away.   Grief is a very real process and you won't always feel like this; counselling support can help.   Searching for 'grief' and - (perhaps later, if you ever feel ready to set up home for a hamster again) - 'hamsters' in our blog may be helpful.

Please do come back if I haven't quite answered your question.  Wishing you all the very best

Im still thinking about Bruno.  To organise my thoughts better; 

• When a hamster 'looks' ill, they are frequently already very ill.  ways to spot illness in hamsters earlier can be taught.
• From your account, I don't think we know that a dental problem was behind Bruno's problems? - if it was, could it have been secondary to another, bigger problem that caused him to pause eating?  - a pause in eating for other reasons may also lead to secondary dental problems.
• Bruno sounds to have had a mixture of symptoms / possible underlying problems so it's hard to tell from here what the main one was / what caused what and whether a specialist could have done any more at that point.
• You did the right thing - you sought veterinary care for Bruno. Even though it wasn't specialist care your local vet would have experience in hamster medicine.
• Specialist care may have been helpful in this complex case in an often undertreated species, however the trade- off is cost and distance.  It sounds to me as though you were doing the best you could for Bruno with the knowledge and resources available to you.
• We don't know that it would have been helpful; it's not obvious from your description what was wrong.
• It is natural to feel sad and common for owners to blame themselves when an animal passes.   However this is not necessarily appropriate or good for your mental health and counselling can help people to process to their feelings in a useful way.  The Ralph Site, started by a vet after his cat, Ralph, passed away, is a charity that may be useful.
• Our Hamster knowledge is still growing so for anyone taking on a new pet - or if you feel like doing the same again yourself, at any point in the future - exotics experts now recommend seeking out a vet at the start of this process and can provide information sheets about recent changes in knowledge.

I hope that something there helps  

All I can say about Liz is that she is amazing! What person yet alone a vet would take this much time to explain in detail about peoples animals & the owners feelings! I wish she was here in the United States because she would be taking care of our dogs and I would refer everyone I know to her. God bless her.....

Hi both, I just want to say thank you so much for responding to my post. It truly means the world especially since I wasn't expecting such timely, or in depth messages.