Losing a pet is often a child’s first experience of bereavement. As difficult as this is, the grieving process is an important learning moment. It can help children learn how to cope with other losses throughout life.
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Help them understand what happened
Choose a place where your child feels safe and undistracted. Then explain the situation using simple language adequate to their age, maturity level and life experience.
If your pet suffers from a chronic illness or suffered trauma, try to explain to them how the disease process works in simple terms. You can ask your vet if they are comfortable doing this too and answer any questions your child may have. If you have to make the decision to euthanise your pet, you may explain that you and the vets have done everything they could. However the pet would never get better and euthanasia is the kindest way of taking the pet’s pain away. It may help to explain that, when euthanased, pets don’t feel hurt or scared.
As hard as it is, avoid glossing over the situation and use literal language. Euphemisms such as “going to sleep” may create confusion (and potentially a fear of going to sleep themselves). Lies such as saying the pet “ran away” will not only be hurtful anyway, but also take the opportunity to deal with the traumatic event and move on away from the child.
Having a conversation about death can be useful both before and during the loss of a pet. You can explain that all living things die and pets live shorter lives than ours. If asked what happens to the pet after they die, you can draw your own understanding of death and viewpoint of your faith, if relevant. It is also ok to say you don’t know, as death is a mystery, and it is appropriate for children to learn that too.
Help them identifying and processing their emotions
Negative emotions are part of any human’s life, regardless of their age; it is important that children are allowed to experience them in a safe environment. Depending on their age and life experience, children may not be able to identify their emotions. So you can help them to do so by reassuring them it is normal to feel sad, lonely, worried, frustrated, guilty or angry, and that that negative feeling will go away with time.
Sharing these feelings should be encouraged. For example, by openly sharing how you feel may help them feel more comfortable to do the same. Exploring emotions can be done through conversations, drawing or writing, for example.
Encourage a growth mindset
Try to reflect on how you can both learn from this negative experience. Praise the child for their efforts to overcome it. For example, if they are being brave and responsible by putting their pets first when agreeing to euthanasia, or if they are focusing on the positive moments they shared with their pets, it should be noted and appreciated.
Reflect on the positive side and go through fun memories together
Although pets live shorter lives, they are often happier than us and live their lives to the fullest. Furthermore, this also means we have the privilege to share our lives with them. And, in the end, we do not leave them alone. Although they were not here for the entirety of our lives, we were here for theirs. If the pet had an illness or was in pain, you can explain that after dying they are not suffering anymore, they won’t be hungry or feel pain.
Remember happy times, go through positive memories and talk about your pet often and with love, explain the pain will get better and although the pet will never come back, the happy memories of times together will always remain. You can make a memory box where they can put drawings or letters about good memories they have with the pet.
When the time is right, you might consider adopting a new pet, not as a replacement, but as a way to welcome another animal friend into your family.
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