Losing an animal is extremely hard. We all love our pets, and in many households they are a firm member of their family. In fact, losing a pet can bring about the same feelings of grief and sadness as if you were to lose a family member. Many vet practices have support for clients who are struggling with the loss of their pet. Whether this is referring them to outside organisations or speaking to part of the veterinary team, practices can always point you in the right direction to get help.

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What is bereavement grief?

When experiencing the loss of a pet, we will often go through many different stages of grief. This is the body’s way of coping with stress and sadness. There are five different stages of grief and each one can be experienced throughout the grieving process.

Denial 

Feelings that the loss has not occurred or couldn’t possibly have happened.

Anger 

Being angry at yourself, your pet or the veterinary practice. Sometimes, you may be trying to find someone to blame.

Bargaining 

You may start to imagine alternate situations, or whether the death may have been prevented if you did things differently.

Depression 

A feeling of sadness and helplessness due to the loss of your pet.

Acceptance 

Usually the last stage of grief, acceptance is the understanding and ‘coming to terms’ with the death.

Stages of grief can be different for everyone. Some people may experience all stages, whereas others may only experience a few.

What is a bereavement counsellor? 

A bereavement counsellor is a member of the veterinary team that can help clients with feelings of grief. If you are struggling with the loss of your pet, speak to your veterinary practice to see how they can support you. A bereavement counsellor may be any member of the team, from receptionists to nurses and even vets.

There to listen 

Bereavement counsellors can purely have a listening role. Your practice may be able to make you an appointment with the counsellor, and that could be by phone or face to face. A counsellor may listen to your stories, your worries and your feelings around the loss of your pet. Sometimes, just talking about memories or your emotions can make the grief process easier.

There to advise 

Counsellors can advise you on the best way to get help. This may be referring you to a GP, or even tools and courses that are available online. Just remember that your veterinary counsellor is not a replacement for a mental health counsellor. They should be used as a ‘first port of call’ as a way to get help and advice.

And there to offer guidance 

Bereavement counsellors may be able to provide you with resources on how to deal with the loss of your pet. In some instances, it may be necessary to visit the practice in order to go through different support that is available

Support outside of the veterinary practice

There is a whole load of support available online that can help in dealing with feelings of grief. Some may be animal specific, whereas others can be for general feelings of grief.

Blue Cross – The Blue Cross offers free and confidential advice. They are available via an online chat service, as well as telephone and email. The Blue Cross is an organisation that helps to deal with feelings of grief that are specific to animals. 

Animal Samaritans – The Animal Samaritans are a registered charity that rescues animals. However, they also offer bereavement support to help owners who have lost their pets. The bereavement service allows owners to discuss their situations in a non-judgemental space.

NHS Services – The NHS offers help in the UK for people who are struggling with grief and feelings of depression. Whilst this is not specific to animal bereavement, feelings of grief can be approached with the same coping techniques.

What pet bereavement counsellors have to say

At my current veterinary practice, we have 2 appointment pet bereavement counsellors. Kathryne Wrigley RVN DBD and Cathy Fraser RVN have been members of the veterinary profession for over 25 years and are both bereavement counsellors.

Why did you become a bereavement counsellor?

Cathy – “I have very often been in that same position as many clients unfortunately face at the end of their animal’s life. As an owner, I feel like there isn’t enough support as there could be for owners dealing with loss. It’s for this reason I became a bereavement counsellor, as I wanted owners to have a more positive experience through difficult times.”

Kathryne – “I became an animal bereavement counsellor before starting my career as a veterinary nurse, because my parents were vets. I understood pet loss was a huge part of the job. As a pet owner, I understand the depth of feelings with the loss of a pet, so I wanted to be prepared to help owners with this when I started veterinary nursing.”

What would you say to someone who is struggling with the loss of their pet?

Cathy – “I would certainly direct them to the Blue Cross Bereavement Helpline. However, remember that your veterinary practice is always there to support you as best as they can. You can get in touch with them via email, phone call or face to face – whatever you are more comfortable with.”

Kathryne – “First of all, it is normal to struggle after the loss of your pet. There are lots of emotions to deal with found within the stages of grief. These feelings may vary in intensity and how long they last. Don’t feel that you should be ‘over it’ in a certain amount of time. Seeking the help of a bereavement counsellor may help and this may be face to face or the Blue Cross do run a pet bereavement helpline.”

Can someone who hasn’t lost their pet yet still speak to you?

Cathy – “Yes, I think it’s important that owners are supported both before and after the loss of their pet. The time spent before a planned euthanasia, for example, can be equally as hard or ever harder than the bereavement afterwards. Pre-support before an animal passes away is often overlooked.”

Kathryne – “Owners often worry about losing their pet, so talking to a counsellor before it happens can be very beneficial. They can talk through any anxieties or questions and also be aware of the options they have. This can help owners prepare and feel that they have some control over what is going to happen.”

Do you have any advice for someone who has recently lost their pet?

Cathy – “The Blue Cross Counselling Service is a good place to get the resources you need to process what has just happened. Try and focus on the good times, look through photos and videos of you and your pet. Memorials in the garden can be a great way to remember your pet, by either burying them or their ashes, and planting some flowers above.”

Kathryne – “Pet loss affects everyone differently and there is no set time to recover from a loss. Time does heal, but if anyone feels that they need help, then they should consider talking to a bereavement counsellor.”

What would you say to someone who may be about to say goodbye to their pet?

Cathy – “Losing a pet never gets easier. Don’t be afraid to ask any questions that you may have to the veterinary team regarding either death or euthanasia. If it’s something that you want to understand, then the team can explain what is going to happen, and why, throughout the process. 

“If you feel that you don’t want to stay with your pet for their euthanasia, then that is okay. Don’t feel guilty for not staying with them. If you have children, the Blue Cross offers a variety of different resources that help you to explain death and euthanasia to them.”

Kathryne – “If you know you are going to lose your pet, don’t be worried about asking your veterinary practice plenty of questions beforehand. Many owners don’t know the process of what happens during a euthanasia, so understanding what is going to happen before the day may help with the feeling of the ‘unknown’. 

“Also, don’t think that you have to make a quick decision about what you would like to do with your pet after they have passed away. There are many different options that you can choose from. Take your time to fully think about what you would like to do.”

Final thoughts on bereavement counsellors 

Bereavement is something that we see every day at the veterinary practice and the role of a bereavement counsellor is often overlooked. If you are struggling with the loss of your pet, or you are about to lose your pet, speak with your veterinary practice to see how they can help.

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