Cats are our companions, our friends and even part of the family – a huge part of our lives. Saying that final farewell is always going to be a truly difficult time. Sadness, grief and trauma affect us all in different ways. There is no right way to grieve, or to process grief.
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Any bereavement will bring with it a storm of emotions; shock, sadness, guilt, disbelief and anger are all normal alongside grief. These reactions are completely normal and may last for a varying amount of time.
Making difficult decisions
The grief of losing your cat may be particularly hard if you have had to make the difficult decision to have them put to sleep. This is never going to be easy. It is a decision commonly accompanied by sadness, guilt and a worry about whether you have done the right thing.
Your vet should be on hand to support you through the process of making this decision and deciding on the right time to make this important call. Suffering, illness and pain are sometimes only ended by euthanasia, and this is a decision made in love. It is brave and right to put your cat’s welfare above your own sadness. Ending a life with dignity and care is part of pet ownership, not something to feel guilty about.
The loss of a young cat, or an unexpected death (such as through a road traffic accident) can also be particularly difficult to process. Finding it difficult to accept what has happened is perfectly normal.
Ways to cope
It can be hard to adjust to the absence of a beloved feline friend in your life. Allow yourself time to grieve and remember them. Looking at photos, talking about them, or writing down memories can be painful, but can also be helpful in processing our grief.
Some people find that getting another cat is a way to cope with the loss of a previous pet. This is not a decision to be rushed into. Some time and space to consider options may be a good thing. However, getting another cat when the time is right can be a great thing for those with a lot of love and care to give, who can offer a wonderful home to another cat.
Support from loved ones
The support of a trusted friend or family member can be invaluable in the grieving process. It is important to find someone who understands what you are feeling and can empathise and listen. There will always be those who don’t understand the depth of a loving pet-owner bond, who will say ‘it was only a cat’ or offer other unhelpful comments. These people are best (temporarily!) avoided. It is important in any bereavement to have a support system of people who can understand what you are feeling. And the loss of a beloved cat is no exception.
Remembering
Your memories of your precious cat will always be with you, to be treasured. But there are also some more physical ways to remember your pet.
Pictures
A framed photograph of your pet is a traditional way to remember them. And a lovely way to keep fond memories fresh. There are lots of options for personalised frames, if wished for. There are also many talented artists who can create beautiful life-like pet portraits if you would prefer that to a photograph.
Ashes
If you choose to have your cat individually cremated, with the ashes returned to you, there are lots of beautiful ways to use them in remembrance. You can always keep them – perhaps in a display urn or casket. You could instead choose to scatter or bury the ashes somewhere meaningful to you and your cat. Ashes or hair can also be incorporated into various keepsakes, for example jewellery or art. There are a myriad of options for beautiful remembrance pieces. If you chose to bury your cat, the site you pick could be remembered with a plant, a stone, or just as a special place for you to remember them.
Personalised keepsakes
Choosing how to remember your cat is of course a hugely personal decision. There are many wonderful options: candles, lights, pebbles, cushions and jewellery, to name a few. You can even name a star in remembrance of a pet.
Having a cat pass over the rainbow bridge is a sad and painful time. Having a keepsake can help the grieving process and provide a source of comfort in time to come.
Where to find support
If you feel you are struggling to cope with the loss of a pet, the Blue Cross run the Pet Bereavement Support Service which is totally free and available to anyone who needs some help dealing with this difficult time. The Cats Protection also run a Paws to Listen grief support service.
It is perfectly normal and understandable to feel sadness and loss at the loss of your cat. Seek support from whoever you need, and give yourself time to process your grief.
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