Grieving the loss of an animal is always hard, no matter what species they are. Animals are seen as part of the family and losing them can be just as hard as going through the grieving process for a human who has passed away. So how can you support someone going through the process?

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There are many kind gestures that you can do for someone who is grieving, including sending flowers, offering a caring hug and simply just listening to them talk. However, are there some things that we shouldn’t do or say to someone who is going through grief? Let’s take a look.

Stages of grief

There are 4 different stages of grief that someone may experience after the loss of their cat. There is no set time scale of how long each stage can last and they can occur in any order. Some stages may be repeated throughout the grieving process.

Denial 

It is common for people that are grieving to have feelings of denial. Thoughts such as “this isn’t happening” or “this can’t be true” are normal in this situation.

Anger 

Finding someone to blame and be angry at is an easy way to express feelings of anger. If their cat was euthanased, the owner may have feelings of anger towards the veterinary practice or the veterinary surgeon. 

Bargaining 

Bargaining can be a coping mechanism that many people use throughout the grieving process. This usually includes “what if” and “if only” statements.

Depression 

Feeling sadness is the most common stage of grief and can usually be the longest lasting stage. In severe cases, therapists can help people through the depression stage.

Acceptance 

Usually the last stage of grief, acceptance can allow a person to “move on”. By reaching the acceptance phase, it does not mean that the grieving person has forgotten about their loss, but they have simply learnt to live with it.

“It was just a cat”

Pets are never “just a cat” or “just a dog”. For devoted animal owners, their pets mean everything to them. In certain instances, the animal may have been the only family they had. Maybe they inherited the animal from a deceased family member and that is their last connection to that person. You never know what connection someone may have to an animal. 

I’m sure I can speak for a lot of owners when I say my dog is practically my child, and my three cats are his siblings. Perhaps, this is strange for some to comprehend, but to me and many others, this makes total sense. 

Be sure to listen to the owners’ stories and respond with words of compassion and understanding, no matter your personal views on the situation. 

“I know how you feel”

Maybe you’ve been through a similar process of losing your cat and you can offer the person advice and coping mechanisms. However, whilst your advice may come from a place of caring, the last thing that someone who is grieving wants to do is to listen to what you went through.

Have you ever been telling a story, and someone has had the same thing happen to them, but now your story has just turned into their experience, their feelings and their versions of the event? It’s not really that helpful.

Often, someone going through grief wants to simply talk and be listened to. It is unlikely that they have the capacity to take on someone else’s tales of loss.

“Just get another cat”

Whilst it is likely that a pet owner will have another animal at some point, unfortunately grieving the loss of their cat is probably still at the forefront of their mind. There are thousands of cats that need homes, but every cat is different. It’s not as simple as getting another cat to be a direct replacement for the previous one.

Instead, you could talk about “possible future plans” of adopting a new cat, when and if they feel ready to. Some owners may not be able to face adopting a new cat any time soon, and that’s okay too.

“Keep busy and don’t think about it”

Whilst it is good for people to keep busy, it’s also important for them to address the way that they are feeling. By not facing grief head on, you are suppressing important feelings that could start to have an effect on mental and physical health.

If you are unsure of how to support your grieving friend there are organisations, such as the Blue Cross, who provide services to help pet owners that have experienced a loss.  

Conclusion 

No matter what stage of grief someone who has lost their cat is at, the journey is often not an easy one. The best thing you can do is listen and just simply be there for someone who needs your support.

In some instances, the best thing to do is to say nothing. Let the person experiencing the grief do the talking and guide the conversation. Listen with an open heart and do your best to support them as best as you can.

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