Saying goodbye can be hard, saying goodbye to a pet is harder still. But saying goodbye to a pet forever is one of the hardest things we ever have to do. If you’ve ever had to say goodbye forever to a beloved pet, you will know the pain, heartache and even guilt you can feel afterwards; even if putting them to sleep was the right thing to do.

There are a number of viral posts that seem to circle the internet, claiming leaving a dog alone during a euthanasia is wrong and should never be done. But as with all-things viral, nothing is ever black or white. So, what is the right thing to do? Is it wrong to not be there when the vet puts your dog to sleep?

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There Isn’t Always a Choice

Regardless of whether leaving a dog alone for a euthanasia is wrong or not, there are some situations where you don’t have the option of being with them as they pass. 

Consider a dog on the operating table where we identify a nasty tumour, or one that starts to bleed uncontrollably, and the vet recommends putting them to sleep on the table before they wake up. Or a dog hit by a car and brought into the vets that has to be euthanased for welfare reasons, before you can be contacted. There can be owner related issues too. What if you have to be with your children, or you are too sick to leave the house, or there is an emergency? Despite the awfulness of these situations, it may be kindest not to delay your dog’s euthanasia, even if you aren’t there with them.

Rather topically, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, many vets could not allow clients in the building for safety reasons. This sometimes meant owners simply could not be with their dogs as they were put to sleep. Yet another heart-breaking consequence of the pandemic.

All of these are very specific situations. But the point is that when things are out of your control, you shouldn’t feel guilty. Life is not always fair, and sometimes it is just not possible to be there with your dog as they pass; even when you desperately want to. Guilt may come anyway, but please remember that you had no choice.

Why You May Want to Stay With Your Dog

The most well-known viral quote claims that many animals will be scared at being left alone and need comfort, even that they “search every face in the room for their loved person”. The whole point seems to be that leaving a dog alone for a euthanasia causes great stress and is unfair. Is there some merit to this?

Certainly, dogs are social animals and you are family to them. Even the most confident dog can be upset by you leaving for any reason. Not all dogs like the vets either; being prodded and poked by strangers at a time when they are likely feeling quite unwell can make these stressors worse. Many of these dogs may be comforted by your presence.

This is especially true for dogs that have actual separation anxiety, and become very stressed when you leave. This anxiety can present as fear, distress or even aggression, making it more difficult for the veterinary staff to do their job and prolonging the bad experience. Again, for dogs such as these, having you there to assure them could help calm them down and prevent further distress.

Even for dogs that love the vets, are familiar with the staff and aren’t feeling too unwell, you are likely their favourite person. Your presence is bound to keep them wagging until the end.

Why Not Staying With Your Dog Might Be Okay

The biggest issue we have with the quote is this:

Not all dogs are terrified and searching for their owners

This may be because they are familiar with the vets and trust them, as we mentioned above. Furthermore, it’s a commonly held belief that dogs often know when it is their time, and we tend to agree. We often find that many dogs appear to know what we are doing is helping them, and go very calmly, with or without their owner. In the worst cases, some dogs are so unwell they are not aware of what is going on and don’t appear to be that distressed. Granted, it can be difficult to truly know what is going on inside one of these patient’s heads. But we find that a great many euthanasia procedures occur calmly. So do not assume that your dog will be a terrified wreck if you choose not to stay with them.

Secondly, it is important to remember that veterinary staff are trained professionals who, sadly, deal with death daily

We know how to use gentle movements, low voices and assurances to soothe. We find that this approach keeps many dogs calm when it is their time to go. And we calm nervous dogs down as best we can. Your dog will never be alone for their euthanasia, even if you are not present. In other cases, we have drug options that can sedate and calm your dog before we start their euthanasia.

It is also worth considering whether you will have a calming effect on your dog, or the opposite? 

In such a heightened emotional situation, with your dog going to sleep in front of you, strangers injecting them, your head spinning, you may find it a struggle to stay calm. Dogs are clever and are attuned to our emotions. They may be able to detect your stress and emulate it. As difficult as it is, sometimes having you there could be making your dog more stressed. In these cases, it may be better to spend some time with them before the procedure starts and say your goodbyes then.

Our last three points have focussed on your beloved dog, but there is also yourself to consider 

Is it really best for you to stay with your dog as they are put to sleep? We do everything we can to keep dog’s calm during euthanasia and make the process as smooth as possible. Unfortunately, not all will be smooth. Dogs can bleed from catheters, gasp as the injection goes in, bark or cry out, wriggle, wee or poo themselves, or take a longer time to die than we expected. Seeing these events are distressing, even for us. A good vet will warn you of the possible complications of a euthanasia beforehand. But they can still be a shock. If you do not feel confident seeing these sorts of events, that is okay. Euthanasia means ‘good death’ and the vast majority are good peaceful deaths. But there are those unfortunate few cases where a euthanasia can be difficult.

Furthermore, even if saying goodbye to your dog was as peaceful as can be, for many people seeing their dog die is too much. We don’t see dead things as much as we used to anymore. And it is understandable to not want to watch your dog die. Some people may prefer the last memories of their dog to be happy ones, with them alive and tail wagging. Death is hard and difficult to deal with. Everyone processes it differently and not everyone is comfortable seeing it happen. That is more than enough of an excuse to not sit with your dog as they pass.

So, Is it Wrong to Say Goodbye to Your Pet and Not Go in When They are Put to Sleep?

Only you can know this answer. You should not feel pressured into making one decision or the other, either by veterinary staff or yourself. In this way, we feel the viral quote borders on manipulation of people’s guilt at a time of great stress. 

If you think you are able to and would like to, in many cases your dog will probably appreciate your presence, even if they are very unwell. Even if this is just you standing in the room, your dog will know you are there. But remember that if you cannot, we will do everything in our power to keep your dog calm and send them on their way peacefully.

So in our opinion, a person should never be made to feel guilty for not staying with their dog as they are put to sleep, and not wanting to be there is perfectly fine 

If you initially decide to stay but then want to leave halfway through, this is okay too. We will do whatever we can to keep your dog calm, and to make the process as easy as we can for you. The infamous viral post in question does not help grieving owners come to terms with the situation by shaming them, and we take particular umbrage with calling anyone a ‘coward’ for not staying. 

Whatever your choice, whatever your reasoning, you should NEVER feel guilty for what you do when the time comes to say goodbye to your dog. 

Are There Things I Can Do to Make Saying Goodbye Easier?

There are lots of things you can do in advance to make having your dog put to sleep easier; and make you feel less guilty. Primarily, we encourage you to discuss the procedure with your vet as early as possible. This is so you know what to expect. This will give you time to process the idea, ask questions and decide for yourself how you would like it to happen. We can even try to accommodate specific requests if you ask. We know that this is not always the case in some tragic emergency situations. So even owners of young healthy dogs should have some understanding of how euthanasia works; as most people will sadly have to say goodbye to their dog one day.

To help your dog, particularly if you are not there, there are also things worth trying. When it is their time, we recommend leaving them with a favourite toy or blanket. This is so they have a familiar smell to comfort them. If you don’t want to be in the room, you could leave a photo or voice recording of yourself, or even video call them as they pass. The technology is there and if it’s something you think you’d prefer, why not use it? 

Some vets even offer home visits, so your pet can say goodbye peacefully in their own environment. Often, dogs prefer this over a cold vet’s office, so may be something worth considering. However, remember that this means you will have your dog die at home, which may create uncomfortable memories for some people. Whatever works for you. 

Final Thoughts

We again want to reiterate. Whatever your choice, whatever your reasoning, you should NEVER feel guilty for how your dog is put to sleep. The kindest thing you can ever do for your dog is to give them a ‘good death’ rather than leave them to suffer. However traumatic passing away is for you or them, all their suffering will stop after they are gone, and they will be at peace. You should be proud to have the strength to have made that decision, not guilty. 

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