Saying no, can be an uncomfortable situation to be in at the best of times. But when you are sitting with your poorly pet having to say no to the suggested medicines, diagnostics or treatment plan for your pet it can bring up a huge mix of emotions. Embarrassment, stress, guilt or even in some cases upset and anger.
I am embarrassed I cannot afford these options; I am feeling guilty and cannot provide what is suggested, I am now stressed because I love my pet SO much. Something about this makes me angry; why is veterinary care costing this much, why didn’t I prepare for this, why would the vet suggest this, I cannot afford it!
The truth is that veterinary professionals do not mean to make you feel this way. It is a fine balancing act for vets when they discuss treatment options.
With a good healthy, compassionate, trusting, respectful relationship between you and your vet team, a middle ground can often be found to ensure your financial stability and your pets health and welfare.
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Let me explain a little more
Vets do not know your financial situation. Unless you give that information truthfully and clearly, the initial conversation is often the vet suggesting what they think is the best course of action in that case.
Now, in many diseases there are actually hundreds of ways we can go about something. We can prescribe lots of different medicines; we can offer a number of tests that could help us reach a diagnosis. So ultimately, what veterinary professionals do is whittle all these possibilities and scenarios down to the main ones they think would be best for your pet; given their years of education and clinical experience.
Now, that is not to say that when faced with a number of options, of which you cannot do any, you must feel pressurised to say yes! But equally, I implore you more than anything to not become upset, defensive and then angry towards the team about the cost of providing high quality medical care; this won’t help you, your vet, or your pet.
Because, there are always other options
As long as your pet is happy, pain free then vets will work alongside you as a team to support you to the best of their ability; with a plan that fits within your life too!
Additionally, even if you do have the money available or pet insurance, you may also feel that the ‘best’ or ‘gold standard’ option is not the right option for your pet. As an example, if a pet was diagnosed with a type of cancer where a long chemotherapy regime was one of the treatment options with a fairly good chance of working, you STILL have the right to say no and go for palliative care if you think your pet would not cope or be happy with the regular injections, regular vet stays, regular medications etc.
In some situations, quality is better than quantity. You may feel that having a happy pet for a shorter time, than a distressed pet for longer is the right choice for them. And we will support you in this to ensure your pet is happy for as long as we can manage until the time comes to make other decisions.
Have a good relationship with your team and the rest will come
What will help is a good rapport; a healthy and trusting Veterinary Patient Client Relationship (VPCR) that allows you to have an open and honest conversation with your vet team about what IS achievable in your current situation. Whether that be financial, or time restrictions, or your own beliefs about and understanding of your pet. This trust and open communication channels will ensure the health and welfare of your pet is paramount; while working within any barriers to suggested treatment there are present.
We won’t judge
As veterinary teams we are always working around peoples’ personal circumstances. We won’t judge you for not being able to afford all of our suggestions. Or for making a decision that a treatment option isn’t the right thing for your pet.
The most important thing is that your pet must not be left without any treatment to get worse; and must be free from pain and suffering. If you cannot afford the options we suggest initially, or the ‘gold standard’ treatment is way beyond your limits or beliefs then don’t worry. There could be other ways.
We don’t suggest expensive medical care on purpose
Now this is not to say that vets are only suggesting the expensive treatments, to get the most out of you. And when you say no, they go to a cheaper and ‘just as good’ option.
If no financial restrictions have been previously discussed a vet will just offer the treatment option/options that in their experience would most benefit the patient in front of them.
It might be that the lower cost options might not produce the same effect; or be as quick to help your pet; or be able to fully resolve the issue like a costlier option would.
At all times we must ensure that our pets are going to be, or are at least working towards being, free from pain and/or suffering. So you will need to bear in mind that if your pet is in pain or suffering, or that they will get worse without treatment that the vet may appear to push or insist on some kind of treatment plan. This is not us trying to pressurise you, or judging your circumstance. But we are doing what we have to do: advocate for our patients.
Sometimes the option is hard
There are sometimes scenarios that are really hard for owners. A time when we need to say that without treatment, sadly the patient must be euthanased. Or that the treatment is no longer effective to keep your pet with a good quality of life.
This is a really hard decision and your emotions at the time of hearing about the possibility of losing your pet are always valid. Pets are so closely bonded to us that the prospect of losing them can be devastating and traumatic. And as veterinary professionals we know this and we understand. This is why it is often a difficult, but necessary conversation to have with you when we are nearing the possibility that we may need to say goodbye.
Everyone grieves differently
As a pet gets to the end of their life, if a medical condition is not managed well, and we feel there is not much more we can do we may suggest euthanasia. However we may also offer some palliative options.
Now, at this point this is another time when we will not judge you by saying no to palliative care and making a selfless decision that the time is now. We may offer extra pain relief or other palliative options because we know how hard it is to say goodbye. And we are giving you the option of an extra day or week where your pet needs extra palliative support before the time comes.
Anticipatory grief is when you feel grief, upset and anxiety relating to the loss of a loved one before they actually pass, and it is common in owners. Even though many do not get the chance to express these emotions out loud. They are real and they are valid, and they can be debilitating to you as an owner. You know your pet, and if you feel that their quality of life is poor, and that the time has come; you absolutely do not need to feel inclined to say yes to palliative care options that your veterinary team offers. As I mentioned before, we offer it to allow those that cannot bear to say goodbye that instant to have a small amount of extra time to prepare. But you can say no if it is not the right choice for you and your pet.
Saying no is fine – so let’s work together
So, saying no. It can be uncomfortable, especially when you feel you are going against the opinion or suggestions of the experts – the vet team. However there are so many factors surrounding what is the right treatment option for your pet; that the very best thing for everyone is a respectful relationship. So, we should all be working towards better communication. We should always remain open, honest, polite and respectful when having these, often very difficult, conversations about treatment plans.
But ultimately, we all want the same thing. For our pets to receive the treatment that is right for them, to relieve pain and suffering. A good relationship will allow us to all work together to come up with the best treatment plan to achieve this; even if the answer is sometimes very difficult.
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