Pet funerals allow for the perfect final touch to saying goodbye to your furry friend. But are they too complex – emotionally speaking – for a child to attend? Might attending a pet funeral in some way devalue a human’s memorial service? Should children really attend?
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A pet funeral is often very similar to a funeral for a person
Designing a funeral from start to finish means you can create the perfect atmosphere for your beloved friend. Discuss your wishes with different companies and people who have experienced similar losses. This allows you to make informed decisions regarding how you would like the funeral to run and even whether you would like a pet funeral.
You are able to personally select the funeral lead, ensuring you feel comfortable during your final goodbyes. The funeral can run in a very similar fashion to the ones we’re more used to, or go off in a more personalised direction. This means you can include songs and speeches. You can personalise the service as much as you like ensuring it is as similar to how you imagined it to be. Then, you will need to choose who you tell about the service depending on who you would like to attend. Should you wish, you are able have your children involved in this process, so they can add their own touch.
Why should my child attend my pet’s funeral?
Attending a funeral may help children to come to terms with the idea that your pet has passed. This will only happen if your child is old enough and mature enough to understand what death is. They may benefit from having a final goodbye, the same way an adult does. If your child was close to your pet, they may feel they have as much of a right to attend the funeral as you do.
In many cases, it will be the first deep grief they have experienced. In which case, attending a pet funeral can be a healthy part of their psychological development. It’s certainly not going to devalue any future experiences with grief; rather, it will help them to put them into context, and crystallise their understanding of mortality and loss.
Before attending a funeral, ensure you have prepared your children
Ensure they are aware of the proceedings and what they should expect from the funeral, including what they will see, what they will hear and how long you expect it to last. They need to understand what death is and understand that your pet is never coming back, prior to attending a life celebration. Children generally do not like emotional surprises or shock.
Why shouldn’t my child attend my pet’s funeral?
Funerals are emotional and you will be emotional. If your child is present, you will need to perform a parenting role as well as mourning yourself. You need to think about if you are ready for this.
Your child shouldn’t attend the funeral if they will not understand what is going on. If a child is asking lots of questions throughout the funeral or disturbing the service, it will affect the flow and may affect how others are able to say goodbye to your pet.
And you certainly shoul;dn’t force them to attend if they really, really don’t want to. Everyone – including children – grieves in their own way.
There is no right or wrong answer
Think about the emotional maturity of your child and their relationship with your pet, and whether attending the funeral would benefit them emotionally or not.
If my child does not go to the funeral, what can I do for them instead?
Having a pet funeral is not the only way to create a final memory of your pet, there are many different memorial ideas on offer.
Memorial items can be created from your pet’s ashes should you opt for individual cremation. You can have jewellery created with the ashes inside or even have jewellery or ornaments engraved with your pet’s name on it. You can get caskets with your pet’s ashes returned to you allowing you to scatter them or place them within your home as a reminder.
If you opt not to get the ashes back, you can create memorial books and create personalised picture frames. There are many accessories now on offer including keyrings, pillows and ornaments. Fur clippings, nose prints and paw prints can be great keepsakes for your pet. Be sure to ask your veterinary practice or cremation centre to arrange this, detailing how many prints or clippings you would like and whether you have a preferred colour of card etc, so they can provide the best service.
To conclude, there are many pros and cons regarding taking your child to a pet’s funeral and it will need to be decided on a case-by-case basis. If your child does not wish to attend the funeral, there are many other memorial items which you can purchase instead.
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